there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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