I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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