Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
