sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
