Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need a beard to bite.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
