my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
