Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
