You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
