Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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