i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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