I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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