i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
