This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
