he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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