No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
