ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
