you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
there is glitter all over my balls
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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