Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
