oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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