I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
