Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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