found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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