He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
