I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
