Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
