dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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