my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
