Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
