you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
