Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
