I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize