At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
