She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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