Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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