just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
