tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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