After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
