Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
