OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
