please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
