Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
