at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
