What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
