Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
third nipple confirmed
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
