i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire