We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???