dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.