She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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