physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
