if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
