1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
