Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
