On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
