found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
