i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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