i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
