barbara walters just said penis...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
