why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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