forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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