we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
