That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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