She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
