what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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