I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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