I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
