Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
