Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
