i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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