no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
