Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
