I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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