Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
