Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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