Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
