Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
