i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
