You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
