I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
