omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
