I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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