I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
