On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize