My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
